Technology and Parent-Child Relationships
Technology pervades nearly every aspect of 21st century life in the Global North and has especially shaped modern social interaction from personal relationships to the formation of networks. Technological ubiquity means that the most basic social unit, the family, has been noticeably transformed by mobile devices, computers, and other everyday digital technologies. Family has a large impact on a person’s development and orientation toward society, and now influences one’s interaction with technology. The relationship between parent and child informs many other relationships in a person’s life, and this essay will argue that the introduction of technology into this relationship fundamentally reshapes individuals and therefore modern social life. The two primary examples the essay explores will be digital technologies within families as a source of distraction and as a source of connection. The essay will first address the relationship between technology and changing familial structure, specifically the theory of a more connected yet less collective 21st century family. This theory will provide the basis for analyzing the specific implications of digital technologies and reachability for parent-child relationships. Finally, the essay will explore how reliance on digital technologies during adolescent development as a form of familial connection and communication shapes individuals and reinforces technological ubiquity in society.
Family structures have shifted over the course of the 20th century and the beginning of the 21st century as more women have joined the workforce, families have shrunk, and digital technology has developed. In the book Networked, authors Rainie and Wellman argue that families now have ‘less face time, but more connected time’ because of these transformations (Rainie & Wellman, 2012, p. 170). As more women have entered the workforce — a jump from 38% in 1960 to 59% in 2006 in the United States — family roles have changed to accommodate two working parents (Rainie & Wellman, 2012). There has also been a drop in birthrate and an increase in single parent as well as childless homes. Women have reduced their time spent on domestic duties, although women still do nearly two times as many hours of housework as men. Rainie and Wellman also emphasize the increase in hours worked with more than a third of college educated men working more than fifty hours per week (Rainie & Wellman, 2012). With the increased working hours, many parents tend to stay connected to their career through their mobile device. While parents and children often use technology to play and learn, examples of positive ‘netting together’ in families, technology has also increased the occurrence of multitasking to balance home and work (Rainie & Wellman, 2012, p. 168).
In Alone Together, Turkle outlines the phenomenon of a ‘visibly distracted’ father who ‘checks his email every few minutes’ even as he spends time with his children (Turkle, 2011, p. 76). The father’s ten-year-old daughter mentions wishing to spend more time with her parents, feelings of abandonment, and an enjoyment in feeling wanted and needed (specifically by the robotic doll which Turkle was studying). Turkle insinuates that these feelings stemmed not only from her parents’ heavy workload but also the digital technologies that divide their attention (Turkle, 2011). Additionally, these feelings led the girl to turn to her own digital technologies, in particular a robotic doll which simulated childlike needs, wants, and learning from its caretaker. Turkle’s observation of parental behavior influencing a child’s interest in technology reveals technology as both a problem and a perceived solution. The girl’s parents have increasingly demanding jobs and so mobile devices allow them to stay connected, yet their distraction from their daughter leads to feelings of abandonment, which the girl resolves somewhat by turning to a technological toy which gives her feelings of belonging and relation that her parents aren’t providing. The cyclical and negative impact of technology in this circumstance offers insight into how technology can accentuate already negative dynamics for an individual or a family.
The ease and reachability of a mobile phone provides the constant opportunity to multitask and alters the way people communicate and conduct their lives (Plant, 2001). Specifically, digital technologies can often detract from parent-child interactions. As Turkle’s research has shown, parents can become distracted and less present with their children because of mobile devices. The aforementioned distracted father is not alone in his mobile obsession. A sixteen-year-old named Audrey describes her mother, ‘immersed in her cell’, not even looking up or speaking as Audrey opens the car door (Turkle, 2011, p. 189). Turkle asserts that digital technology prepares people for a ‘new state of self’ which can ‘absent itself from its physical surround’, experience simultaneous physical and virtual existence, and ‘make more time’ by multitasking (Turkle, 2011, pp. 154–155). Despite the idyllic idea of multitasking and creating time, it’s clear that time spent divided between children and devices is not beneficial for family relationships. Audrey says that her mother’s cell phone usage ‘gets between [them]’ but excuses it because she herself occasionally becomes immersed in texting while with her friends (Turkle, 2011, p. 190). Audrey sees herself reflecting her mother’s behavior when using technology. Arguably, parents’ use of technology around their children prepares them for a technologically oriented self; parental figures set examples for the use of digital technologies and children follow suit, further ensuring technological ubiquity in contemporary social life.
Changing family structures have resulted in changing family relations. The lack of face time due to increased collective working hours in households leads to a reliance on technology as a primary form of connection and communication. Additionally, members of a family have begun to act more as individuals rather than a collective, participating in their own extracurricular activities and often going multiple different places throughout the day. Because of this, digital technology is integral in conducting 21st century family life, and members of a family must work harder to stay in contact and create time for each other. Audrey, the sixteen-year-old who sees herself reflecting her mother’s technological habits, has divorced parents and therefore ‘sees her phone as the glue that ties her life together’ (Turkle, 2011, p. 189). Many families would likely agree with this statement, especially single parents relying on the connection that mobile devices offer to maintain connection with their children while earning enough money to support them. Networked also seems to argue that the reliance on digital technologies is a natural and successful solution to the increase in equal labor-force participation (Rainie & Wellman, 2012). However, the increase in working hours that remove an individual from their familial obligations whether in a single or dual parent household could be addressed at the root cause. The outcome of increased multitasking between work and home via mobile devices may sometimes be necessary, but with reasonable working hours parents would have more time and energy to spend dedicated to their children and families. One could argue that the overworking, multitasking culture that digital technologies have created is a response to the increased demand of time and energy from corporations and society. If societal priorities were shifted to view caretaking and family as a priority and forty-hour work weeks as the norm, there might also be a healthier use of technology in appropriate situations to play, learn, and work. Technology should not be a solution for the lack of time spent together as a family; it should add connection to time already spent bonding as a family.
The reachability that mobile devices provide has also created an opportunity for children to be physically apart from their parents at an earlier age. Rainie and Wellman observe that when providing children with a mobile phone, parents create an expectation of regular check ins and constant accessibility to their children, primarily to ensure their safety but also to maintain family connections (Rainie & Wellman, 2012). Adolescent coming of age and gradual separation from parents is now ‘transformed by technology’ (Turkle, 2011, p. 173). Technology allows for an intermediate stage of separation where parents and children can stay connected through mobile devices even as adolescents become more physically independent. Additionally, technology buffers the self-responsibility and fear of physical distance that originally characterized children’s growth away from relying on parents. The assumption that both children and parents must always be reachable creates both an extended reliance on one another, as well as a reliance on mobile devices. The constant connection to home undermines traditional understanding of ‘autonomy and strong personal boundaries’ as integral to adolescent development (Turkle, 2011, p. 174). Therefore, adolescent development now also marks the development of an individual to become technologically reliant.
Single parents emphasize communication through digital technologies with their children throughout the day as essential. Single parents contact their children more throughout the day than married parents do, and typically have increased responsibilities as the sole caregiver and provider (Rainie & Wellman, 2012). Tracy Kennedy is a single mother and describes texting with her son throughout the day to communicate their schedules and needs. Tracy says that using digital technologies to connect with her son is vital because of ‘safety’, but is also ‘engaging and entertaining’, providing a ‘generational bridge’ which strengthens their relationship (Rainie & Wellman, 2012, p. 149). Therefore, reliance on digital technologies in single parent households like Tracy’s has many positive outcomes and offers a more fulfilling family relationship compared to that of single-parent family before digital technologies existed. Tracy and her son’s communication shows how technology can accentuate positive dynamics in a family and create a stronger bond especially between parents and teenagers.
Reliance on mobile devices, whether as a form of communication, multitasking, or connection, leads to the blurring lines between oneself and digital technology. People are beginning to view technologies as ‘extensions of their bodies’ — an essential connection to their work, social life, and identity (Lupton, 2014, p. 168). Parents often provide children with their first exposure to digital technologies, their mobile phone, and the first expectation of constant connection and reliance on these technologies. Therefore, the extension of self that these technologies become is not an intrinsic behavior but a learned one. As a child grows up their social life shifts from family-oriented to friend-oriented, and the connection to digital technologies shifts from a familial expectation to self-driven reliance on the ease and connection that technology provides. The social implications for technology as an extension of self are myriad, namely those previously mentioned as prevalent in family life; multitasking, overreliance, and constant reachability.
The ubiquitous nature of technology will likely only increase as digital technologies become more niche and complex, permeating every aspect of life. However, the relationship that an individual has with digital technologies can have both positive and negative implications. Within a family, digital technologies can divide a parent’s attention between their child and the connections to their work, friends, and the internet that are readily available through a mobile device. Despite this, digital technologies can also connect and strengthen relationships, easing children into adulthood while maintaining connection to their parents. The examples of parents distracted by technology and familial relationships strengthened by technology are reflective of the wider social life that individuals engage in outside the home. The behaviors and impacts of technologies in parent-child relationships discussed in this essay are often the basis for an individual’s use of technology in their career and social life after they’ve become an adult. Family life is the first place of social relation and learning, and therefore with the onset of technological ubiquity, children learn from their families the reliance and essential nature of technology in 21st century life.
Works Cited
Lupton, D., 2014. The digitised body/self . In: Digital Sociology. s.l.:s.n., pp. 164–188.
Plant, S., 2001. On the Mobile: The Effects of Mobile Telephones on Social and Individual Life. s.l.:The University of California.
Rainie, H. & Wellman, B., 2012. Networked : the new social operating system. Cambridge, Mass.: MIT Press.
Turkle, S., 2011. Alone Together : Why We Expect More from Technology and Less from Each Other. s.l.:Basic Books .
